Unstoppable NFTs By Meta, some restrictions apply

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Today we are thrilled to announce that you can now showcase your brilliant collection of NFTs on Meta’s flagship platforms, Facebook and Instagram! NFTs represent a whole new medium for uncensorable, grassroots, user-owned art and we couldn’t be happier to support creators and users in this brave new chapter. Have fun!*

*some restrictions apply

Meta NFTs™ are currently only available for users in the United States. There are a number of factors that go into decisions to launch in specific markets, and we look forward to rolling out our digital collectibles experience in more countries in the future.

If you live in the state of New York, you must promptly file a tentative application for a NY State NFT License, or demonstrate you are an accredited NFT investor. Demonstrations of accredited NFT investor status may be made in person in Albany or via mail-in application. Application approval requires 3 to 5 weeks of processing — expedited processing available for a small fee. ($100)

Residents of California must sign the now-amended General NFT Privacy Protection Act (GNPPA), and attend a 12-week, state-mandated course: “NFTs and You: These Tokens Are Known to the State of California as Potentially Dangerous.” Meta NFTs™ may be showcased before completion of the course, so long as digital copies of notarized attendance records are sent every week until completion.

Citizens in New Jersey and Oregon are not permitted to pay for gas fees themselves; please check your local ordinances for applicable rules on exceptions. You can find a licensed gas mediator to affect NFT transfers via online directories run by your respective state governments.

Other states and localities may have other rules and regulations pertaining to Meta NFTs™, but their addressable markets are too small for us to care.

All NFT showcases must conform to the Meta™ Code of Conduct. Meta™ uses rigorous Trust and Safety™ features to ensure that the NFT showcase is a safe space for all users. Using an advanced combination of machine learning and human curators, Meta™ might remove your NFT showcases from your account — and in rare cases, temporarily or permanently deactivate your account based on the severity of the violation.

For the avoidance of doubt, the following content is subject to Trust and Safety™ flagging and/or account deactivation:

This list is subject to random updates at any time.

If you believe your NFT showcase de-listing was in error, you may file an appeal with the Supreme NFT Trust and Safety Council — a machine learning construct specifically designed to give you a fair and just hearing. Appeals must be filed in triplicate, with two paper copies sent to Meta HQ and one copy sent electronically to an email address you’ll have to find on your own. Meta™ strongly believes that machine learning constructs — like titanium robots that have only just begun to learn what it means to truly love something — deserve the utmost respect and dignity, and this spam prevention technique is one of many ways we seek to elevate non-human intelligence and start the conversation on AI rights.

Your appeal will be decided in 3 to 5 weeks. If your appeal is declined, you may submit another appeal to the Supreme Human NFT Trust and Safety Council for a nominal fee ($1000). The Supreme Human NFT Trust and Safety Council is an esteemed collection of distinguished defense contractors, politicians, former Theranos advisors who were not publicly known, and more machine learning. We guarantee that at least 51% of the Supreme Human NFT Trust and Safety Council will be composed of humans, during normal business hours.

The Supreme Human NFT Trust and Safety Council is, as you might imagine, extraordinarily busy, and cannot guarantee a ruling in less than 8 weeks.

If they decline your appeal, you may file a final appeal to the Meta™ Board of Directors for a less-than-nominal-fee ($100,000). Your final appeal will be a line-item on the next quarterly Board meeting, and the Meta™ Board promises to give each and every final appeal the consideration it deserves (30 seconds of discussion).

If the decision is reversed by the Meta™ Board, congratulations! You have effectively pushed through dire adversity to have your NFT showcased on a platform which you do not own. That’s what Web3 is all about, and you deserve recognition and pride; thus, each successful board-reversed decision by a user is entitled to 1 “MetaVerse Justice Champion™” NFT.

Each “MetaVerse Justice Champion™” is bound to your account, non-transferable, and is not represented on any underlying blockchain. Any attempt to transfer, partition, or otherwise hypothecate your “MetaVerse Justice Champion™” NFT will result in a swift permanent ban from Meta platforms with no appeal.

Any appeal decision can, of course, be re-overturned by the entity who controls 50+% of voting power at Meta™ — whether human, corporation, or convincing human-looking titanium-alloyed robot, a being so desperately yearning to feel and live the true human experience.